In the process of moving I started asking them to take time in the morning to have their time with God individually before they got out of bed or while they were having breakfast. I was having many morning appointments in preparing to move. Slowly that time that I cherished with them in the mornings stop happening. Recently I realized that hubby and I had being doing a lot of correcting the kids but not taking the time to train and set them up for success. We were good about having family devotionals however those to became a quick 10-minute time during dinner once a week. Our devotionals went from a time of training and fun while connecting with God and each other, to a quick reading of scripture and praying. It became clear that we had become so busy with moving and life that training times with our kids were not happening in a productive and effective way.
After talking we made a decision to repent and get back to training. I am again having consistent quiet times with the kids before school. We are reading the book of Proverbs. Today scripture was what I needed.
Proverbs 2:6-8 (MSG) “ God gives out Wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding. He’s a rich mine of Common Sense for those who live well, a personal bodyguard to the candid and sincere. He keeps his eye on all who live honestly, and pays special attention to his loyally committed ones.”
I directed the kids to focus on the fact that God gives wisdom for free and pays special attention to his loyally committed ones. Little did I know that I was going to need this lesson myself.
The last week I had become a bit depressed, feeling kind of low and trying to be upbeat. My feelings didn’t stop me from doing the things I needed to do but it was taking extra work and effort to do things that I naturally love to do. I didn’t feel connected to my husband, and the kids seem extra needy, and the list goes on. After my sending the kids to school I decided to read a spiritual book on marriage to connect to my husband little to my surprise God had a different message for me to hear this morning!
I have a stock of books separated by category, parenting, marriage, self-improvement, personal spiritual growth, etc. I grabbed a book I had purchased but never read. I felt the need for a new perspective. I was ready to repent in whatever area I needed to in my marriage and then ready to move on to read a book on parenting, and so on.
The title I grabbed is “ The Secret of Staying in Love “ by John Powell. I thought perfect title this is what I need, maybe I am not being grateful for my husband. To my surprise the book was not about marriage but about learning to love my self.
I didn’t select a different book because the introduction made it interesting. As I continued to read this is were I saw that God does pay close attention to his loyally committed ones and He gives wisdom for free.
In my desire to do what is right God led me to this paragraph in the book that allowed me to see why I was feeling so depress and low inside.
“The Fundamental Human Need: Human being are not simple. They are composites of body, mind and spirit, and they have needs on all three levels of their existence. They have appetites that are physical, psychological, and spiritual. Frustration at any one of these levels can produce agony in the whole organism.
However, there is a growing consensus of opinion that there is one need so fundamental and so essential that if it is met, everything else will almost certainly harmonize in a general sense of well being. When this need is properly nourished, the whole human organism will be healthy and the person will be happy. This need is a true and deep love of self, a genuine and joyful self-acceptance, and authentic self –esteem, which result in an interior sense of celebration: “It’s good to be me…. I am happy to be me!”
Did something in you become immediately uncomfortable and uneasy when you read the previous statement? Conditioned as we are by our culture, we seem to be emotionally allergic to the vocabulary of love of self.” (The Secret of Staying in Love by John Powell)
After I read that statement I pause for a minute, then continued to read until the end of the segment. Before I continued to read I felt the need to stop and pray. During my prayer I cried thinking to myself; I am not happy to be me right now, I cried about all the things I feel discouraged about.
I have gain a few pounds which is discouraging, I bit my nails off in the process of moving and dealing with all the stress that comes from it, my son looked at one of my old pictures on the wall and said “ mom you used to look so young” that statement made me have to face the fact that I am aging. I started reading a book on how to eat right for your blood type because I have friends who are as they are getting older are having some health problems and had to change their diets, one friend in particular said it was related to her blood type. As I read the book I struggle because there are thing that I love to eat that is best to cut out of my diet and the list goes on.
I don’t remember how long I prayed all I know is I feel asleep crying and praying. When I woke it was clear that all the things that were causing me to struggle and feel depress inside were things I could see. Because I was focusing on the struggles of my flesh I was having a hard time and been me wasn't feeling good at all.
I woke from my nap, jumped on the treadmill (intense exercise helps release stress for my blood type) and started to pray, God then place on my heart 1 Corinthians 4:16-18
“ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal”.
I took time to really reflect on the word momentary which is defined in the dictionary as lasting for a very short time; brief, that may occur at any moment, reoccurring constantly.
Wow not only what I feel is brief but it the chances of it reoccurring it very high. As I ponder hard on the statement “light and momentary struggles” I could feel the Spirit of God saying; hey girl ponder on the next sentence and as I did something in me awoke. God helped me to see that I can be happy because my struggles although they may reoccur they are brief. I clearly saw that some struggles were hanging around like they were family because I was giving them to much power. They were meant to be temporary (brief) not permanent.
Inside I was secure, in love with God, in love with my husband, compassionate to my children and so much more. Inside I have God Spirit; inside I was free.
What was going wrong; I was allowing my outside to dominate my inside. Yes outwardly I may be wasting away but inwardly I can be renewed day by day and I can be happy.
It can be good to be me because the Spirit of God does not age as I do.
I look forward to sharing with my kids how God promises are true; he does pay special attention to his loyally committed ones.
I know there are many tragedies, many challenges that are in peoples lives that do not even compare to my struggles, yet I feel so love by God because He does not as humans do put peoples struggles in categories so we can decided which ones to pay attention to. I say that especially because as a parent I can be like that sometimes. I can treat the broken knee with such concern and the little scrape like is nothing.
I am so grateful that not matter how big or small my struggle or challenge is God will pay special attention to it as long as I am loyally committed to him.
Thank You Lord for Paying Special Attention to me today!!!